Poetry

Scaly green skin

slithering in my yard

I look out my window

at the beasts primal dance

He sits atop my lawnmower

Flicking his tongue at me

with a mesmerizing rhythm

My dad gets the BB gun

Aiming down the sights

he pulls the trigger and

splits the beast in two

Sorry indigenous beast but

this land is my land

Manifest destiny

This is a poem my brother wrote.

Our creative writing professor wants him to take out the first four lines so it reads like this.

He sits atop my lawnmower

Flicking his tongue at me

with a mesmerizing rhythm

My dad gets the BB gun

Aiming down the sights

he pulls the trigger and

splits the beast in two

Sorry indigenous beast but

this land is my land

Manifest destiny

I prefer the first version. The second lacks the pop of the first one who do you agree with?

My brother and I or the professor?